Success is a lie. Let’s think about it for a second. What does it mean to be successful? Success means the fulfillment of a goal or ambition. You want a hole in one, and you shoot a hole in one, and therefore you successfully shot a hole in one. You want $200,000 a year, and you spend 20 or 30 years working hard, and then you make $200,000 a year.
And so, in a simple sense, success is saying “I want to do X” and then doing X. People have been setting goals and achieving them for quite some time, and will continue to do so. A caveman can set a goal. The world runs on people who are scurrying around frantically trying to ‘live their dream’ and ‘achieve their goals’. But success is not a stasis; it’s not some sort of be-all end-all destination point. It’s like the steak you hold in front of a wild beast on a treadmill. You just keep chasing it but it’s not something you ever really reach. If you rely on externalities for your happiness, outside of basic food, shelter and love, you will run into a seemingly infinite degree of complications.
As they say, “When you get there, there’s no “there” there.” And so, allow me to repeat: success is a lie. Ambition is suicide. Desire is vanity, etc, etc, you get the idea.
Success is a lie simply because it relies on attachment. You must bet X amount of time on some sort of outcome. You either achieve the outcome or you don’t. If you achieve it, you feel satisfied briefly and then must forge a new future attachment to bet more time on, like a problem gambler. If you don’t achieve it, you feel like a failure. Sounds like a lose-lose situation to any sane person. And yet people continue to convince themselves that their convoluted goals and ambitions are worth sacrificing the world’s resources, personal contentment, relationships— even basic health. People will work jobs that ruin them mentally and physically just to excel towards something that no human has ever attained through materialism: a state of true contentment.
“Success” means shunning notions of success, wealth, fame, and all that, and looking within. Whatever makes you feel successful is already in your monkey brain; it’s just waiting to be teased out by mindfulness and proper mental discipline. Work on yourself, look within, and stop trying to beat the piñata of the world into giving you a few ephemeral pieces of candy.
When you encounter a person who’s ego-focused, you’ll feel a draining sensation in your body, because your energy is literally being drained. You’re also being scanned energetically by the egocentric person, who’s assessing what she can take from you.
Learn how to release the fears that keep you from being assertive. Set and maintain healthy boundaries and heal from past pain that has you wrapped in fear.
If you have been taken advantage of repeatedly for being a nice person, then pay extra attention. The ego energy is all about “me” and “I”: What is in it for me? and What can I get out of this? That’s why self-centered people are called egocentric or egotistical.
Therefore, it’s important to take some time when you’re with someone to tune in and be very aware of how your body feels in that person’s presence. Your body is one of the most accurate divination tools on this physical plane. It is a crystal that resonates with energy vibrations.
So when you meet someone, rather than worrying, Does he/she like me? Am I good enough? and posing these sorts of self-doubting questions, instead listen to what your body says.
7 Signs You Are With A Self-Centered Person
- Do I feel drained of energy when I’m around this person?
- Does my stomach tighten with defensiveness, bracing myself against some danger?
- Do I feel myself backing away from this person or wanting to leave her presence?
- Is there a sense that I’m the only one giving in this relationship?
- Does it feel like the other person is all about taking?
- Does the other person joke or brag about how much he/she gets away with or takes advantage of others?
- After being with this person, do I feel tired or depressed or anxious?
What egocentric people want to take from you can vary. They may be looking for simple things such as a listening ear or kind words. Most peopls don’t feel taken advantage of for giving these things, unless it becomes a one-sided relationship where you’re the only one giving the compliments and doing the listening, and the other person never says anything nice to you, nor do they care enough to be your sounding board.
To find a person who isn’t egocentric, you’ll need to hold the intention of meeting other Earth Angels and givers, or those who have been working to develop self-awareness, and who have come to the realization that the path to true happiness is through balancing giving and receiving.
Relationships Are Synergistic
You can be as nice as an angel in heaven, but unless you’re with someone who honors and respects your niceness, you’ll tend to be taken advantage of by those who are egocentric.
If someone’s egocentric, don’t worry whether or not he or she likes you. Egocentric people are incapable of liking anyone, because their hearts are closed. They don’t even like themselves.
When you get a sense that someone’s a “taker,” pull back your energy and don’t try so hard. He or she is not worthy of your time or friendship, and you’ll end up “breaking up” anyway when you get tired of being taken advantage of. You have a limited amount of time here on Earth, and it’s best to spend it on someone who’ll appreciate being helped.
Egocentric people see help from others as threatening to their egos, because it means they’re “weak” if they accept it. They also see receiving help as “winning” in their endless game of taking as much as they can without giving anything in return.
When dealing with an egocentric person, it’s not about getting his or her approval through being nice. It’s impossible to get the approval of those who are only concerned about themselves. Instead, focus on being loving and on respecting yourself.
With all assertive encounters, your goal isn’t to change the other person. Your intention is to be honest and authentic, and take good care of yourself and treat other people with respect.
To make a relationship work takes focus and attention. Love and passion are something that needs nurturing and space to grow, all relationships need breathable space; time together and time with friends. Keep talking about the things that matter, pay attention to the things that don’t work, and continue asking yourself “what is it that I can do with you, that is positively different from yesterday”?
You’re not changing them, you’re changing your perspective; modifying your behavior so their actions no longer bother you.
How do you know I have balance or karmic connection? A karmic connection comes with the feeling of “I must have, can’t live without” or even “can’t live with” feeling attached to it. A less-karmic connection is like two strangers looking at the same painting, then sharing something unique about it, and then parting ways. A karmic connection is one in which you have invested time, energy and emotions with that person. A less-karmic connection is free, the connection is there simply because you both are looking in the same direction. The chance’s of you having a less-karmic relationship are pretty small.
We need an emotional death… an old part of our emotional self needs to fall away [emotional patterns that no longer serve], so we can create new productive ones.
It’s not about being right, seen, heard or in control, it’s about having the space to be the beautiful and unique person you are. We choose not to listen to the voice of the ego, we choose to listen to the voice of love.
Let go of ego and embrace love.
Can a karmic relationship turn into a karmic free relationship? Yes, by actively practicing an ego-less relationship. This relationship is non traditional, and may change your life in all directions very dramatically. This path is work at first, it takes focus and attention, and knowledge of how ego interferes in our lives.
How to break a karmic relationship? Through forgiveness for yourself and or others, connect to your self-worth in such a way that you love yourself first before you love another person, and the love that you do give to another is the overflow of love you have for yourself. In other words, make yourself first. What makes a relationship a karmic one is that we have [from a place of imbalance] placed the other person first. I know we’re taught this from the beginning, this is ego… this action comes from fear, fear of losing or rejection.
If you know what it is you want in a relationship, it’s up to you to navigate your way to it. Standing in your power is you taking charge of your own happiness, and making sure you get your needs met. Giving up our power is giving up the control and direction of our happiness to another person. Karma is the sign that we are crossing that line in giving up our power. All karmic issues are guidelines to bring us back into being the navigator of our own happiness… as a co-creator with God. And NOT a co-creator with your partner.
1 Be patient
Don’t expect her/hem to feel comfortable with diving headfirst into anything even slightly resembling romance. Keep in mind, it’s probably taken her/hem (x) a great deal of contemplation and courage to even consider spending her/his (x) time with you. And if she/he does appear comfortable responding to your first moves, it’s quite possible that she/he’s (x’s) actually terrified of what you’ll think of her/hem if she/he (x) asks to slow things down. So, x just musters the strength to submit xself to the moment, only to spend all night feeling horrible about x dishonesty and inability to step on the brakes. This will freak x out enough to make x sever whatever ties were made and withdraw immediately—something x’s not afraid to do.
To avoid that, let things unfold at a pace that feels natural, which might be slower than what’s considered “normal.” Remember, x’s not used to this, and too much at once will surely send x over the edge. Showing sensitivity to x pace will let x know that x doesn’t have to fear being out of control, causing a miscommunication or feeling the pressure of time.
Because x spends so much of x time alone and in x head, this x might be under the impression that x thoughts and opinions are a bit too intense for others. x rarely shares the things on x mind, as x fears that whatever’s in there is so deep and inquisitive that people will think it’s overdramatic, oddly philosophical or just plain weird. x values deep conversation, but feels that x can exercise this pleasure with relatively few people, if any at all.
So talk with x. Let x know that x can say what’s on x mind, and don’t be afraid of x ability to dissect every possible meaning of a theory x’s been hung up on for weeks. If x apologizes for rambling about it, tell x x doesn’t need to be sorry, x doesn’t need to suppress it. Make x feel that although x is certainly unique for having such thoughts, x isn’t crazy or abnormal.
Tell x it makes x all the more beautiful.
And then, give it right back to x. Be sure to engage in x contemplations just as much as you listen; x wants to hear your thoughts more than you realize.
3 Support x=her/hem
Part of this x’s struggle with letting xself be loved could be that x is relentlessly focused on x dreams and goals, so much so that x forgets to make room in x life for other things—like relationships. It’s not something x does intentionally, x’s just extremely determined to achieve whatever x has set out to do.
If x is forced to make a choice between a love life and x goals, x’s already chosen the latter. So don’t make x choose.
And certainly don’t make x feel guilty for not spending more of x time with you as a result— x’ll take that as another sign that x needs to sever the ties, even if they’re stronger at this point.
Instead, support x. If you really love this x and x really loves you, then x’ll welcome the encouragement. x’ll want to support you, too. Let x; with a heart as passionate as x s, you’ll want x on your team.
4 Don’t be two halves of a whole, be two wholes that make an even greater whole
Remember that this “Miss/Mr Independent” is just that—an independent chick with an ability to fend for xself. x might even be afraid of relying on others, no matter how much x trusts them.
Therefore, don’t think of a relationship with x as one that joins two halves together to make a whole; x won’t treat it as such, and x definitely won’t feel comfortable if you do. Rather, see it as two wholes becoming an even greater whole—two individuals who love each other enough to respect the other’s independence and uniqueness.
This includes honoring x need for alone time. x realizes that you are a person with or without x and asks that you see x in the same way. Being able to spend time apart is important to x; x doesn’t want to rely on your presence, nor does x want you to rely on xs.
Don’t try to spend every hour of every day with x unless you want x to feel bombarded.
But when you are together, be together. Completely. Let x know x is loved until x begins to understand what that feels like, and then keep doing it. If it’s right, x’ll come around. And because x’s loyal by nature, x’ll stick around, too (so don’t give x any reason to think that you won’t).
Truly, this x has a lot of love to give, even if x’s a bit awkward in showing it at first. x just needs time—time to figure things out for xself, to better understand how this works.
Let x figure out that deep down, x just wants to love and be loved—just like everyone else.
If x happens to let you close enough to love x, take it seriously. It means x’s trying. It means x wants to love you. And remember that helping x learn how to be loved in return is the surest way to win x heart.